Cold Mountain

I watched Cold Mountain the other day. It's one of these films that kind of snuck up on my netflix queue. Once upon a time, in the early days of having netflix, I made a fairly long queue of random movies I was vaguely interested in seeing for one reason or another, and I hit "add" to just about any movie Netflix recommended that held any interest. As time went by, I found myself largely ignoring most of this list, and picking out movies I really wanted to see as I went; generally once I send a movie away, I find a movie on my list to move into the first position. A couple of weeks ago maybe, I sent a movie away, and fresh off the death of Elizabeth Taylor, I picked Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf to be my next film. Yet, the next day, I get an e-mail telling me Cold Mountain is coming - bullshit, I thought, naturally - sneakily enough Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf had a wait, pushing the second position movie into first. Anyway, so I had it, it won an Oscar, might as well watch it, I figured.

I told my friend that I had seen the movie, and he asked me, something along the lines of, "was it exactly what I expect it to be?" After which, I thought for a second, and replied affirmatively. After thinking about it some more, there isn't a much better way to describe the movie if you know anything about it - it's a big, long, romantic, star-studded Civil War epic (Jude Law and Nicole Kidman play the leads, with Renee Zellweger winning an Oscar for Supporting Role) about a guy trying to get back to his love in the South vaguely based on the Odyssey and all about terrible toll of war (not a lot of war movies endorsing war these days). Take a moment to think about that in film form, and I would wager that what you're thinking is just about what the movie is.

What I didn't realize is that the film is positively loaded with acting talent - four academy award winners - Nicole Kidman (The Hours), Natalie Portman (Black Swan), Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Capote) and Renee Zellweger (none other than Cold Mountain). After that, only one other nominee, Jude Law, nominated for Cold Mountain as well as for The Talented Mr. Ripley, appears, but plenty of other actors of note, who, because of the journey format of the story often come into the film for just a couple of minutes - Giovanni Ribisi pops up for about five minutes, Jena Malone and Cillian Murphy are in the movie for what has to be a couple of minutes at most and Emily Deschanel and James Rebhorn are on screen for a matter of seconds. It also contains Jack White's only real acting role (Elvis Presley in Walk Hard barely counts, I suppose).

Lastly, is it wrong, that as a northerner, I always route against the southern soldiers in these films even when they're supposed to be the good guys? I mean I'm not going so far as to root for the northern soldiers who (spoiler!) try to rape Natalie Portman, but still in the battle scenes, death to the South! Nice try of all these southern stories to try to make heroes who were southern but don't have slaves - as long as they wear that rebel grey, to hell with them.

Most irritating sports radio trend #61 (not ranked in terms of irritation)

The "Straw man False Negative"

Let me explain to you what I mean. Sports talk radio host wants to make a BOLD statement, which often isn't really all that bold, so he tries to enhance the boldness of said statement by letting people know before saying it that either absolutely nobody out there listening agrees with what he is about to say (without naming names of course of anybody who actually has this opinion) or noting how crazy you, the listener may think he is after hearing this wild statement.

I find this happens more on single person radio shows rather than two or three person shows, as with multiple people there's always someone to comment on your BOLD statements and act as a sounding board and disagree or agree as needed. With single person shows, the hosts seem to feel as if there's a need to create a dialogue with the listeners, and thus these hosts foist opinions onto the listeners without asking and pat themselves on the back for disagreeing with the opinions they gave to the listeners.

Colin Cowherd is the king of this maneuver - I've heard it many times from him - specifically, today, he was talking about the Lakers and he talked about how Lamar Odom, as the third or so option for a multiple championship team a la James Worthy could garner serious Hall of Fame consideration. To get you ready for his percieved out-there-ness of that statement, Cowherd spent a couple of minutes before actually saying it letting the listeners know that "NOBODY is thinking this" and that they may disagree vociferously once they hear what he has to say (though I don't think he actually used the word vociferously.) Now whether you think that statement is actually a bold one or not is at least mostly beside the point.

Just say what you think, man. If it's actually bold, listeners will take it that way, and they can disagree with you when they call in, or guests can disagree with you on air. It's just unfair to set up a statement as one no one will believe, when you have no actual evidence that no one will believe it other than you saying so because it suits your purposes.

Michael Kay does this all the time as well - spend more time talking about how the next thing he says YOU will disagree with and YOU will think he's crazy than actually saying whatever he thinks.

Of course this all ends up to another good reason to simply not listen to sports radio, but then that would be no fun.

NBA basketball is on TNT.

MLB baseball is on TBS.

TNT knows Drama.

TBS knows Comedy.

Does this mean basketball is drama and baseball is comedy?

Ponder on that.

Today, I read of China's amazing decision to ban time travel on television - or in full - "Fantasy, time-travel, random compilations of mythical stories, bizarre plots, absurd techniques, even propagating feudal superstitions, fatalism and reincarnation, ambiguous moral lessons, and a lack of positive thinking" - which eliminates viewings of Back to the Future, or 12 Monkeys or Timecop, among others. (Of course, Chinese people everywhere should thank the government for preventing them from being embroiled in Lost - which basically contains every single element which the government wants to ban).

So, while plodding around the internet in the wake of this decision I found a Washington Post 2006 list of banned keywords on Chinese internet. Now, it's a super long list with tons of political figures and things like that, but here are a couple that I felt stood out as highlights (being aware that as a not-as-political-astute-as-I-should-be citizen, I may be missing some obvious political implications from one of these):

"Indonesia" - I'm honestly curious about what Indonesia did to raise ire in China so much more than every single other country on Earth

"Night talk of the Forbidden City" - Only at night? talking during the day is far less dangerous?

"News Blockade" - well this just starts some levels - the Chinese people can't even look up the fact that they can't get news

"Armageddon" - I'm not sure if this refers to the movie, or the place of the final conflict between divine good and divine evil, but I don't think the Chinese government can prevent the power of either just by banning it online.

"Hire a killer to murder one's wife" - well, I suppose if you're working on the premise that you're going to ban any combination of words, this is as good as any

"Bug" - this one I assume is the recording device and the not the member of the animal kingdom, but this could still cause a serious problem for Chinese entomologists

The picture really speaks for itself, but I'll add the obvious comment. How the fuck is this real and not some terrible Saturday Night Live commercial skit? Who has ever eaten a pizza, and said to themselves, "you know the only thing that would make this better - if I also had some cookies"? (Admittedly, cookies are probably delicious at anytime, but you don't just see them attached to every frozen entrée for a reason.) I would say that it finally happened, except that exactly nobody has been anticipating this.

Of course the only thing more bizarre is Digiorno's new Pizza and Wyngz. It's not really stranger in that it's chicken - wings and pizza seem like a far more logical combination than pizza and cookies. It's that these are not Wings, but Wyngz, because they can not legally be called Wings, as they have no wing meat. Colbert has the definitive takedown.

A (relatively) quick sum of why I picked who I picked in each division:

AL East:

The easiest pick for me - there's a reason everyone's picking the Red Sox - they replaced Victor Martinez and Adrian Beltre with Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford, and it would be an incredible stroke of bad luck if they had anywhere near as many injury problems this year as they did last year. I picked the Rays to tie in second the Yankees (and forced to pick, I'll have them winning the one-game playoff), which was a bit of a gamble - the Yankees certainly have the better offense, and will probably trade to improve their starting rotation, but right now the Rays starters are superior 1-5, and, well, you have to go out on a limb sometimes. I'm not sure Vlad Guerrero and Derrek Lee were worth signing for the Orioles, but they should be worth a couple of wins, enough, along with their young rotation to list them above the Blue Jays, who lose key contributor Vernon Wells (for good reason, but still, he was decent last year) and are relying on what could also be a very good young rotation, but have less offense.

Player from this division who I most want a jersey or shirt of: My boy Brian Matusz who closed last year in sterling fashion and is primed to sooner rather than later become the leader of the Orioles young rotation once he gets back from the DL.

AL Central:

I'm not all that convinced that the Tigers are better than the Twins and the White Sox - this was probably the hardest call for me of all the divisions. The Tigers have the division's best pitcher and position player, and while in baseball that doesn't necessarily mean all that much, it was a tiebreaker for me, especially since both Justin Verlander and Miguel Cabrera have been extremely durable so far in their careers. The Twins, if Justin Morneau stays healthy are every bit as good, but their rotation outside of the outstanding Francisco Liriano doesn't thrill me - it may be deeper than the Tigers', but has no second starter to rival Max Scherzer. I don't really have a good reason the White Sox can't win it either, though I generally have a policy against picking teams starting Juan Pierre, and Paul Konerko would be hard pressed to repeat his 2010. Between the Indians and Royals, well, they each have a couple of parts to watch, and for Royals fans in particular, Mike Moustakas should be up sometime soon with any luck.

Player from this division who I most want a jersey or shirt of: I already have a Verlander, which I found for about three dollars, next, I think I'd like a Shin-Soo Choo jersey - already the best Korean position player ever (Sorry, Hee Seop Choi), and one of the most underrated players in the majors over the past couple of years.

AL West:

The Rangers don't have Cliff Lee, sure, but they were probably going to win the division without him last year anyway. I don't love them so much, and the possibility of half their best hitters getting hurt - the Kinslers, Cruzs, and Hamiltons, and not expecting much from tradition power position first base with Mitch Moreland. That said, I don't like any of the rest of the teams any more - the As have the potential for a great starting staff with Brett Anderson, Travor Cahill, Dallas Braden and Gio Gonzalez, but have absolutely no hitting behind it. In terms of the Angels, Dan Haren's great, Jerrod Weaver is good, but I'm not sure he can duplicate last season, and I don't have as much faith in the rest of the starting pitching as well as the potentially horrendous hitting infield until Kendry Morales gets back. The Mariners, well, they get to have King Felix Hernandez, and really, how much more can one team ask for.

Player from this division who I most want a jersey or shirt of: I have been searching for a reasonably priced Felix jersey for years, so that goes without saying, but otherwise a Brett Anderson Athletics jersey would be great, partly because he's a left-handed starter on the verge of being a really good pitcher if he can stay healthy, but also because I can then make all sorts of Suede references which almost no Americans will get (ie. He's "so young," he's one of the "beautiful ones," he's "animal nitrate"...).

NL East:

Second easiest division pick, though here, I actually think I'd take the Braves over the Phillies before I'd take the Yankees or Rays over the BoSox. We all know why the Phillies are first - their absolutely spectacular first four members of their starting rotation. However, Chase Utley's out until who knows when, and just about every other key member of their offense is on the decline. The Braves have a very good rotation, albeit not as good, but more potential for growth on offense, with a hopefully healthy all year Jason Heyward, Dan Uggla at 2nd, and a possible comeback season for Chipper Jones. The Marlins have a fierce young rotation of their own, but one that hasn't been able to consistently throw the amount of innings they'll need from it to compete, though the team will be aided by full seasons of Logan Morrison and Mike Stanton. Sports Illustrated had the Mets finishing behind the Nationals, which, biased Met fan that I am, I just don't see - while the Mets pitching has a chance to be wretched, their offense has a chance to be pretty good, and the fact that the Nationals are starting Rick Ankiel everyday certainly does not bode well for them.

Player from this division who I most want a jersey or shirt of: I have a Beltran shirt, and Santana and Beltran jerseys currently. If it were ever acceptable for a Mets fan to own a Braves jersey (though, compared to even five years ago, it's much closer - if you could go back in time to 2004 and tell a Mets fan that he or she would hate the Phillies ten times more than the Braves, he or she would never have believed you) I'd love a Tommy Hanson - I think he will be a bona fide ace sooner rather than later, and I wouldn't mind a Ryan Zimmerman either, another underrated star.

NL Central:

I admit I probably went with my heart a little bit, rooting for the Brewers over the Cards and Reds, but I think there's justification for it - the Brewers, at the expense of a real shortstop, which I'll admit is troubling, traded for two top notch starters who have plied their trades for their careers in the more difficult American League, and should find things easier in the National. That, along with hopefully another healthy Rickie Weeks season and the rest of the Brewers offense could certainly do the trick. I don't think the Reds were any fluke - I think they'll do just about the same as they did last year, but that the Brewers, with their massive starting pitching improvement will inch ahead - a big feat, I admit, but within the realm of possibility, considering just how bad the starters were last year. The Cardinals still have an excellent chance as well with Albert Pujols, Matt Holliday and the rapidly improving Colby Rasmus, but I'm not sold, and call me a fool, I know, on Dave Duncan getting the rotation to not miss Adam Wainwright. The Cubs could actually be decent, and it could be fun to watch if Carlos Zambrano can have follow his hot streak at the end of last year, and the Pirates and Astros can not be decent, but at least the Pirates have some fun hitters, while the Astros have...can Michael Bourne lead the league in steals?

Player from this division who I most want a jersey or shirt of: Rickie Weeks, for sure. I need to get one, or best of all an old school Brewers jersey of his.

NL West:

I picked the Giants to repeat because of their starting pitching along with improvements at shortstop, third base (Sandoval can't be that bad again) and a full season of Posey, but it all rests on the starters staying healthy. The Rockies have likely the division's best player in Troy Tulowitzki, and a very solid rotation, but will need some increased contributions from some of the guys in the lineup (Ian Stewart? Dexter Fowler?) to take the division. The Dodgers need a come back season from Matt Kemp, which I think they will get, but they also need some offense out of some other positions, which I'm not sure they will. The Padres were a great story last year, but pretty much traded their best player, Adrian Gonzalez, over the offseason, for good reason, but still, everything kind of went right for them, and I can't see that happening again. The Diamondbacks, well, they got, uh, Joe Saunders last year. I do think Ian Kennedy and Daniel Hudson could emerge as quite good pitchers though.

Player from this division who I most want a jersey or shirt of: Clayton Kershaw. He's a lefty, and he's incredibly fun to watch pitch.