The picture really speaks for itself, but I'll add the obvious comment. How the fuck is this real and not some terrible Saturday Night Live commercial skit? Who has ever eaten a pizza, and said to themselves, "you know the only thing that would make this better - if I also had some cookies"? (Admittedly, cookies are probably delicious at anytime, but you don't just see them attached to every frozen entrée for a reason.) I would say that it finally happened, except that exactly nobody has been anticipating this.

Of course the only thing more bizarre is Digiorno's new Pizza and Wyngz. It's not really stranger in that it's chicken - wings and pizza seem like a far more logical combination than pizza and cookies. It's that these are not Wings, but Wyngz, because they can not legally be called Wings, as they have no wing meat. Colbert has the definitive takedown.

A (relatively) quick sum of why I picked who I picked in each division:

AL East:

The easiest pick for me - there's a reason everyone's picking the Red Sox - they replaced Victor Martinez and Adrian Beltre with Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford, and it would be an incredible stroke of bad luck if they had anywhere near as many injury problems this year as they did last year. I picked the Rays to tie in second the Yankees (and forced to pick, I'll have them winning the one-game playoff), which was a bit of a gamble - the Yankees certainly have the better offense, and will probably trade to improve their starting rotation, but right now the Rays starters are superior 1-5, and, well, you have to go out on a limb sometimes. I'm not sure Vlad Guerrero and Derrek Lee were worth signing for the Orioles, but they should be worth a couple of wins, enough, along with their young rotation to list them above the Blue Jays, who lose key contributor Vernon Wells (for good reason, but still, he was decent last year) and are relying on what could also be a very good young rotation, but have less offense.

Player from this division who I most want a jersey or shirt of: My boy Brian Matusz who closed last year in sterling fashion and is primed to sooner rather than later become the leader of the Orioles young rotation once he gets back from the DL.

AL Central:

I'm not all that convinced that the Tigers are better than the Twins and the White Sox - this was probably the hardest call for me of all the divisions. The Tigers have the division's best pitcher and position player, and while in baseball that doesn't necessarily mean all that much, it was a tiebreaker for me, especially since both Justin Verlander and Miguel Cabrera have been extremely durable so far in their careers. The Twins, if Justin Morneau stays healthy are every bit as good, but their rotation outside of the outstanding Francisco Liriano doesn't thrill me - it may be deeper than the Tigers', but has no second starter to rival Max Scherzer. I don't really have a good reason the White Sox can't win it either, though I generally have a policy against picking teams starting Juan Pierre, and Paul Konerko would be hard pressed to repeat his 2010. Between the Indians and Royals, well, they each have a couple of parts to watch, and for Royals fans in particular, Mike Moustakas should be up sometime soon with any luck.

Player from this division who I most want a jersey or shirt of: I already have a Verlander, which I found for about three dollars, next, I think I'd like a Shin-Soo Choo jersey - already the best Korean position player ever (Sorry, Hee Seop Choi), and one of the most underrated players in the majors over the past couple of years.

AL West:

The Rangers don't have Cliff Lee, sure, but they were probably going to win the division without him last year anyway. I don't love them so much, and the possibility of half their best hitters getting hurt - the Kinslers, Cruzs, and Hamiltons, and not expecting much from tradition power position first base with Mitch Moreland. That said, I don't like any of the rest of the teams any more - the As have the potential for a great starting staff with Brett Anderson, Travor Cahill, Dallas Braden and Gio Gonzalez, but have absolutely no hitting behind it. In terms of the Angels, Dan Haren's great, Jerrod Weaver is good, but I'm not sure he can duplicate last season, and I don't have as much faith in the rest of the starting pitching as well as the potentially horrendous hitting infield until Kendry Morales gets back. The Mariners, well, they get to have King Felix Hernandez, and really, how much more can one team ask for.

Player from this division who I most want a jersey or shirt of: I have been searching for a reasonably priced Felix jersey for years, so that goes without saying, but otherwise a Brett Anderson Athletics jersey would be great, partly because he's a left-handed starter on the verge of being a really good pitcher if he can stay healthy, but also because I can then make all sorts of Suede references which almost no Americans will get (ie. He's "so young," he's one of the "beautiful ones," he's "animal nitrate"...).

NL East:

Second easiest division pick, though here, I actually think I'd take the Braves over the Phillies before I'd take the Yankees or Rays over the BoSox. We all know why the Phillies are first - their absolutely spectacular first four members of their starting rotation. However, Chase Utley's out until who knows when, and just about every other key member of their offense is on the decline. The Braves have a very good rotation, albeit not as good, but more potential for growth on offense, with a hopefully healthy all year Jason Heyward, Dan Uggla at 2nd, and a possible comeback season for Chipper Jones. The Marlins have a fierce young rotation of their own, but one that hasn't been able to consistently throw the amount of innings they'll need from it to compete, though the team will be aided by full seasons of Logan Morrison and Mike Stanton. Sports Illustrated had the Mets finishing behind the Nationals, which, biased Met fan that I am, I just don't see - while the Mets pitching has a chance to be wretched, their offense has a chance to be pretty good, and the fact that the Nationals are starting Rick Ankiel everyday certainly does not bode well for them.

Player from this division who I most want a jersey or shirt of: I have a Beltran shirt, and Santana and Beltran jerseys currently. If it were ever acceptable for a Mets fan to own a Braves jersey (though, compared to even five years ago, it's much closer - if you could go back in time to 2004 and tell a Mets fan that he or she would hate the Phillies ten times more than the Braves, he or she would never have believed you) I'd love a Tommy Hanson - I think he will be a bona fide ace sooner rather than later, and I wouldn't mind a Ryan Zimmerman either, another underrated star.

NL Central:

I admit I probably went with my heart a little bit, rooting for the Brewers over the Cards and Reds, but I think there's justification for it - the Brewers, at the expense of a real shortstop, which I'll admit is troubling, traded for two top notch starters who have plied their trades for their careers in the more difficult American League, and should find things easier in the National. That, along with hopefully another healthy Rickie Weeks season and the rest of the Brewers offense could certainly do the trick. I don't think the Reds were any fluke - I think they'll do just about the same as they did last year, but that the Brewers, with their massive starting pitching improvement will inch ahead - a big feat, I admit, but within the realm of possibility, considering just how bad the starters were last year. The Cardinals still have an excellent chance as well with Albert Pujols, Matt Holliday and the rapidly improving Colby Rasmus, but I'm not sold, and call me a fool, I know, on Dave Duncan getting the rotation to not miss Adam Wainwright. The Cubs could actually be decent, and it could be fun to watch if Carlos Zambrano can have follow his hot streak at the end of last year, and the Pirates and Astros can not be decent, but at least the Pirates have some fun hitters, while the Astros have...can Michael Bourne lead the league in steals?

Player from this division who I most want a jersey or shirt of: Rickie Weeks, for sure. I need to get one, or best of all an old school Brewers jersey of his.

NL West:

I picked the Giants to repeat because of their starting pitching along with improvements at shortstop, third base (Sandoval can't be that bad again) and a full season of Posey, but it all rests on the starters staying healthy. The Rockies have likely the division's best player in Troy Tulowitzki, and a very solid rotation, but will need some increased contributions from some of the guys in the lineup (Ian Stewart? Dexter Fowler?) to take the division. The Dodgers need a come back season from Matt Kemp, which I think they will get, but they also need some offense out of some other positions, which I'm not sure they will. The Padres were a great story last year, but pretty much traded their best player, Adrian Gonzalez, over the offseason, for good reason, but still, everything kind of went right for them, and I can't see that happening again. The Diamondbacks, well, they got, uh, Joe Saunders last year. I do think Ian Kennedy and Daniel Hudson could emerge as quite good pitchers though.

Player from this division who I most want a jersey or shirt of: Clayton Kershaw. He's a lefty, and he's incredibly fun to watch pitch.

I admit, some of these picks are a little chalk. But come on, whose aren't these days?

AL MVP:

Adrian Gonzalez, Boston Red Sox

Gonzalez is of course the new acquisition of the Red Sox, the team favored by everyone and their mothers to win the AL East. Although the Padres were certainly competitive last year, and came very close to a playoff spot, they still got a fraction of the media coverage the Red Sox will receive. Gonzalez is in the prime of his career and has had back to back outstanding years, finishing fourth and second in the NL in 2009 and 2010 respectively in baseball reference WAR, and his counting statistics should improve dramatically with a much more offensively potent lineup and a much more offensively potent ballpark. I would place Adrian Gonzalez as the co-favorite in the MVP race along with Miguel Cabrera, with Robinson Cano, Evan Longoria and other new Red Sox acquistion Carl Crawford not that far behind.

AL Cy Young:

Felix Hernandez, Seattle Mariners

Yes, this is the first of two back-to-back Cy Young award winners I'll be predicting this year, though I think the AL pick is going out far more on a limb than the NL pick. The one aspect of this pick I do like a lot is that by giving Felix the Cy last year with so few wins, if he wins just one or two more and otherwise puts up similar statistics, it would be hard not to award it to him again. He has more or less gotten better year-to-year each of the past five years (Fangraphs' WAR has him better in '09 than '10, but he had a better FIP, xFIP, and tERA last year and pitched more innings, so I'm not exactly sure why), and he's shown no injury history up to now, at least. No reason not to expect a near duplicate of last season. The other key contenders here I would have to think would be Justin Verlander, CC Sabathia and Jon Lester, with me nearly arbitrarily putting them in reverse order or likelihood of victory.

AL Rookie of the Year

Jeremy Hellickson, Tampa Bay Rays

He's a top three prospect in the majors according to just about everyone (and top prospect to be in the majors to begin the season and not on the DL). Hellickson will get a chance to get lots of innings and lots of wins. As I talk about in the NL ROY section, it's all about playing time. Hellickson, though not supposed to be an eventual ace, is mature and has very good stuff, or so I read. Other horses in the race would be Mariners starter Michael Pineda and Toronto Blue Jays starter Kyle Drabek.

NL MVP:

Albert Pujols, St. Louis Cardinals

The #1 overall seed of award picks, I kind of hate myself for picking Pujols (though of course, based on this year's NCAA Tourney, a #1 overall pick wouldn't be such a great bet). Here's the problem. We know as much as we can possibly know about anyone that Pujols is going to be fantastic. He's getting older, but he's still more or less in his prime years, albeit towards the end of those for a normal player, and the man has led the NL in baseball reference WAR for the past six years. I'd love to take a chance, I really would, but the other players I want to pick are super dark horses, and I just don't have the balls to actually pick them, but rather to mention them one sentence from now and give myself credit in case they crazily go on and win it even though I didn't pick them. After Pujols, the most likely I think are Joey Votto, Ryan Braun, Troy Tulowitzki and maybe Prince Fielder (at this point there are about eight names that I think have about even chance - including Hanley Ramirez and even Jason Heyward and Buster Posey - why not?). My super aforementioned dark horses, for the record I'll refer back to if they come out of nowhere, are Rickie Weeks and Matt Kemp.

NL Cy Young:

Roy Halladay, Philadelphia Phillies

Easiest pick I made all day - more than Pujols even, I think, even though there are a score of great pitchers in the NL. Roy Halladay is basically the best pitcher on planet Earth right now, and even though he's older, he has been extremely durable, is on a contending team and has both the old-school finishing games mentality gut-voters love, and the wonderful strikeout to walk ratios that stats-voters love. Maybe his biggest obstacle (besides every pitcher's number one obstacle - getting hurt) is Cliff Lee or Cole Hamels also having an amazing year, and somehow splitting the vote. Amongst the other outstanding NL pitchers I'd pick in order of likelihood to win would be Chris Carpenter, Cliff Lee, Tim Lincecum, Ubaldo Jimenez and Clayton Kershaw as my up and comer.

NL Rookie of the Year:

Freddie Freeman, Atlanta Braves

Rookie of the Year is first and foremost about opportunity (well, that at playing at least okay with that opportunity). Rookie of the Year, from year to year, is like the Tony awards - some years have extraordinary talent, like last year with Jason Heyward and Buster Posey, but other years have Bob Hamelin (or the musical Titanic) and just about anyone can sneak in there. When predicting it's always a smart bet to guess someone you know will get at bats, and the two best bets in that regard would be Freeman and Giants first baseman Brandon Belt.

Predicted Baseball Standings Time:

Let me get the standings out before the season starts and then thoughts and MVP/Cy Young picks can come later.

AL:

AL East:

Red Sox 94-68

Rays 90-72

Yankees 90-72

Orioles 78-84

Blue Jays 77-85

AL Central:

Tigers 87-75

Twins 86-76

White Sox 83-79

Indians 69-93

Royals 67-95

AL West:

Rangers 87-75

Athletics 83-79

Angels 83-79

Mariners 70-92

NL:

NL East:

Phillies 91-71

Braves 88-74

Marlins 83-79

Mets 77-85

Nationals 72-90

NL Central:

Brewers 88-74

Reds 87-75

Cardinals 86-76

Cubs 78-84

Astros 68-94

Pirates 68-94

NL West:

Giants 89-73

Rockies 85-77

Dodgers 83-79

Padres 75-87

Diamondbacks 68-94

Prior years' predictions can be found here and here and here.

I have ranked the top 68 television shows of the '00s, and will be presenting them, one-by-one, starting with 68 and working down. The rankings are more or less based on the show's popularity, it's cult status, it's critical acclaim, and my personal liking of it, with a heavy dose of arbitrariness added in. If a show was a big enough phenomena, I'll keep it on the list - but if I don't like it, I may drop it some spots. One other caveat - these are primetime shows (I apologize if I put a cable show that wasn't, I thought they were all primetime shows - the main point of this is just that no talk shows, no Colbert and Daily Show that would be on otherwise).

9. Veronica Mars

Okay, so here's the last show on the list that absolutely nobody watched (well, there's a second one that most people didn't watch as it aired, but I think far more people have watched it since), though it developed a significant cult and is probably one of my, I don't know, five favorite shows of all time (it's incredibly high ranking on my personal list make up for any commercial drawbacks).

I like doing analysis of television as much as the next person, but sometimes more than exactly what you can put your finger on is the feeling you get when you watch a show, when you talk about a show, after you watch it, and when you think about watching it (I spend a lot of time thinking about TV). For Lost, the feeling as the show moved forward changed from excitement right after an episode to frustration, to not really wanting to see more episodes, to at least, for now, not really wanting to see any episodes again(maaaaybe the Desmond-centric time travel one is an exception). For Veronica Mars, my feelings are the opposite. Recently it was mentioned when I was in the car with my friend who had not seen it, and my other friend and I got really excited, telling him to watch it and then later watching the first couple of episodes with him, which were just as good as they were the first time I saw them (or the second). Just writing about it makes me want to watch.

Veronica is a teenage sleuth in a California high school divided between sons and daughters of the rich and the sons and daughters of those who serve them. She is an exception from either of these two groups in that her dad was the sheriff - poor but with power. This all changed after the biggest murder in town history, when he accused the wrong suspect, a multi-millionaire software developer whose son dated Veronica and whose daughter, the dead victim, was her best friend. After that, he was recalled from office and started up a private detective agency, while Veronica became a target at school, since her dad became so unpopular in the wake of accusing the richest man in town. She was asked to choose her friends, or her dad, and stuck with her dad, making her a social pariah. Oh, and her mom walked out on her and her dad somewhere around this time. Got all that?

The way the show works is that every episode contains a small scale mystery - who stole something from the school, who is terrorizing another student - random classmates will come to Veronica for help sometimes, knowing her reputation as a bit of a crime-solver. She then uses some of her dad's cool P.I. equipment along with her natural guile and solves the cases. There's also a big season-long mystery (in the first season, it's who killed her old best friend portrayed by the now much more famous Amanda Seyfried) which works itself out over time, until becoming the focus of the last couple of episodes.

There are many reasons I love this show. For one, the writing is fantastic. Joss Whedon is one of my television heroes and I think it's undeniable Veronica Mars creator Rob Thomas (sadly not the same Thomas lead singer of Matchbox 20) is influenced by him. The dialogue is sharp, witty and banter-y, all around, but I particularly enjoy the conversations between Veronica and her dad. Her dad is a great character - it would be so easy to make a show like this and make her dad a bumbling fool, or at the least a naive father on whom she is always pulling one over, or some strict disciplinarian who you are always rooting for her to disobey. This isn't the case at all however - as a viewer, you love her dad - he's smart, he's good at his job, and while he doesn't always know everything she's up to (he does have a job and other commitments, after all) several times in the course of the show, Veronica thinks she's gotten away with something but he knows about it, or knew about it all along. Another character, Logan, who is pretty despicable in the first couple of episodes of the show, became a favorite by the latter half of the first season. The power to transform a character from hated to loved and not have it feel forced (reminiscent of what Whedon does with Cordelia in Buffy) is impressive.

It's tempting to go far more in depth, but it would be difficult without way more words so another subject for another day. All I'll say is that, while I could say this about a whole bunch of series on the list (and I may again before it's over), if you have not watched this show, WATCH IT NOW.

Another commercial I don't understand.

Okay, so somehow there are two employees, one for Pepsi Max, and one for Coke Zero, presumably blue collar, probably truck drivers (white collar workers would probably not be wearing shirts with patches on them and baseball caps) who both end up sitting near each other at the counter at a diner. The Coke Zero guy, who was already sitting down when the Pepsi Max employee walked in, is drinking a Coke Zero, but sees Pepsi Max guy start drinking a Pepsi Max. The Coke Zero guy stares at the Pepsi Max longingly. They chat, the Pepsi Max guy moves up next to Coke Zero guy, and he confirms Coke Zero guy's question, which is whether Pepsi Max had zero calories (it does). Pepsi Max character offers up the can of Pepsi Max to Coke Zero guy, who takes it, has a long pull, and then confirms, skeptically that the drink has zero calories. He then takes another gulp, which Pepsi Max guy captures on his phone, and when Coke Zero guy asks him why he's taking that, Pepsi Max guy responds that he's putting it on youtube. The camera then takes us outside of the diner, and all of a sudden Pepsi Max guy and Coke Zero guy come crashing through the window, fighting, presumably because Coke Zero guy was concerned that being seen drinking Pepsi Max would get him in trouble with his employer.

The fact that this commercial is terrible comes out simply from a single viewing. But possibly my main problem is that I don't understand the underlying reason for why we should believe this commercial. And, of course, I get that lots of commercials kind of (or entirely) have nothing to do with selling their product - it's a different type of approach, and that's fine. Let's restrict ourselves to commercials that talk about one product being good by demonstration, or one product better than another comparable one. Usually they either show people, who we're at least meant to believe are real people, talking about the product, or they show the two products at work. In the former, in theory, if they're real people, that gives some sort of credit - real people think this product is good. In the latter, two, say, cleaning products are used side by side, presumably the results of one are much better than the other, and if we are to believe this is honest, it could persuade us. In this commercial however, the characters are clearly actors. There's no reason we would believe otherwise, from the way the commercial is filmed, to the dialogue, to the comical fight scene at the end. Soda isn't a product we can see in action - there's no way for us to judge the effect of taste from watching, like we could with a cleaning product. So basically what's happening is a paid actor who is clearly a paid actor acting as a Coke trucker is claiming how great Pepsi max is. Why on earth would anybody believe this? It's not just that the commercial doesn't work to me; the concept doesn't work. I don't get it.

This is a commercial I've seen a lot recently that has drawn my ire.

Basically, the premise is a bunch of people are having a blast at Buffalo Wild Wings at lunch, but sadly, they need to return to work. Not to worry! The waitress signals the bartender, who hits a button, which transmits a message to the weatherman who is now on the TV, talking about what a beautiful day it is. After he gets the message, though, he changes his tune - his producers set up the scene to look as if there is a storm, massive rain, terrible conditions and what not, and he reports that with such weather, it's best to stay inside and have a beer.

This is all well and good enough, except what's going to happen when they go back to work hours later? Their bosses will ask them where they were. Their excuse will be "I was at the restaurant when a weather report came on telling us about a huge storm outside and advising that we remain indoors. Only later did I find out that the storm was a fabrication concocted by the restaurant to keep us there buying drinks and wings." Who is going to believe that? Unless, alternately, that weather broadcast that was altered was also broadcast somehow into televisions everywhere, so the bosses either thought the same thing or at least understand their predicament.