Time to discuss a commercial I saw recently that has me confused beyond belief. The commercial, posted above, is an ad for Microsoft featuring Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld.

Okay, there have to be at least a dozen different parts of this minute and thirty second Lawrence of Arabia of television commercials that confuse the fuck out of me.

Starting out Seinfeld is eating a churro - I get that part, churros are tasty. He sees cheap shoes, and Bill Gates, and enters a shoe store. So far this makes some semblance of sense. He offers Bill some churro, and Bill politely declines. Now here where the ad begins to go screwy.

Jerry tries to help Bill size up his shoe - okay, it's getting a little weird - not really something I would expect Seinfeld to do - but I can accept it. Jerry tests it out, finds out the shoe is the wrong size, and now, starts folding it in half for some reason - which I guess is because he's trying to wear the shoe in, but I'm not sure, and announcers that the Conquistador, which seems to be either the brand, or model of shoe runs tight.

Okay, now it gets one level stranger. Jerry tells Bill that he wears shoes in the shower. Now that's a strange revelation, but sure, it's something Jerry might say - but what's stranger is we get this weird second long shower scene just showing a man's feet with shoes on in the shower. What the fuck? Why? What is going on?

Okay, now, Jerry does his shower schtick, tells Bill he's a 10, Bill says it feels better and we get to the next super odd part of the commercial. A family of spanish-speaking people for some reason are staring at the window and say two lines - the woman asks "Is that the conquistador?" and the man, presumably her husband responds "They run tight." Consider this the moment of this commercial when my mind official explodes. What is going on here? There are so many questions, and no answers. Why does everyone know what the Conquistador is? Why is it called the Conquistador? Is it common knowledge that these shoes run tight? Why the random spanish speaking people at all? Why are they looking through a window at someone trying on shoes? Are they just interested in watching Bill Gates try on shoes?

As Bill goes to purchase the shoes, the person working the register asks him if he is a Shoe Circus Clown Club member, to which Bill responds "Platinum" and takes out a card with a picture of him looking far younger - perhaps implying that he has been a Shoe Circus shopper for years since before he was big?

Now for the first time, after finding out that the card gets Bill "Big Top points," yet another detail whose use evades me, a minute in to this commercial, Jerry actually brings up Microsoft, asking Bill has melded his brain to other big brains at Microsoft, to which Bill responds in the affirmative. He then asks Bill if Microsoft are working on computers that you can eat while you work - and to comfirm this, requests Bill give him a signal such as adjusting his shorts, which he then does, to Jerry's jubilation.

All this leaves me thinking - what the fuck is going on? Are we really getting computers we can eat? Cause if we are, then one third if this commercial makes sense. If not, none of it does.

Was this the goal of the commercial? To have me unbelievably confused? Maybe. And if it is, then kudos, Microsoft or whatever ad agency did this. You win. Otherwise I give up.